I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
