return my video game
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
