the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
