dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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