If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
