i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
