saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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