im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
