smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
