So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
