I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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