Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
