Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
