he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need water and some morals
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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