The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
