Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
