I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
