I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
