He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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