The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
