I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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