I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
