butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
