When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
