I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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