Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
