Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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