yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
