You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
