Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
