Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
