did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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