Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
