also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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