I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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