do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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