just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
