I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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