i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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