dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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