FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can I color on your dick again?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
40s are totally the cure
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
