I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
