I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
