There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
