You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
