I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
