Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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