I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
