There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
