just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize