remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
