She said her name was "party"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
