Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Will you blow on my dice?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
