I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
