I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
