it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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