There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
