You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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