i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
