Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
