thus making me awesome and them whores
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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