oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
