The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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