I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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