Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
