R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
