I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
