Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
