I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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