I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
