My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
