forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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