i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
