I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
