My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
