Do you still have your period?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He better not be in your backpack
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm like, not good at living.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
