His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
