Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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