theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
